I wept when I thought of
it there in the darkness of the hut, for the candle had burned
out, and going on to my knees, put up an earnest prayer for the
welfare of their souls; also that I might be forgiven my folly in
leading them into such danger. And yet I did it for the best,
trying to judge wisely in the light of such experience of the
world as I possessed.
Now alas! when I am old I have come to the conclusion that those
things which one tries to do for the best one generally does
wrong, because nearly always there is some tricky fate at hand to
mar them, which in this instance was named Zikali. The fact is,
I suppose, that man who thinks himself a free agent, can scarcely
be thus called, at any rate so far as immediate results are
concerned. But that is a dangerous doctrine about which I will
say no more, for I daresay that he is engaged in weaving a great
life-pattern of which he only sees the tiniest piece.
One thing comforted me a little. If these two were dead I could
now leave Zululand without qualms. Of course I was obliged to
leave in any case, or die, but somehow that fact would not have
eased my conscience. Indeed I think that had I believed they
still lived, in this way or in that I should have tried not to
leave, because I should have thought it for the best to stay to
help them, whereby in all human probability I should have brought
about my own death without helping them at all. Well, it had
fallen out otherwise and there was an end.
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