He said I was in a very solitary position. I
replied that I knew I was, but it suited me. I said:
"I pay my way; when I was with you before, I never owed you money;
you find me now not owing my publisher money, but my publisher in
debt to me; I never owe so much as a tailor's bill; beyond secured
debts, I do not owe 5 pounds in the world and never have" (which is
quite true). "I get my summer's holiday in Italy every year; I live
very quietly and cheaply, but it suits my health and tastes, and I
have no acquaintances but those I value. My friends stick by me. If
I was to get in with these literary and scientific people I should
hate them and they me. I should fritter away my time and my freedom
without getting a quid pro quo: as it is, I am free and I give the
swells every now and then such a facer as they get from no one else.
Of course I don't expect to get on in a commercial sense at present,
I do not go the right way to work for this; but I am going the right
way to secure a lasting reputation and this is what I do care for. A
man cannot have both, he must make up his mind which he means going
in for. I have gone in for posthumous fame and I see no step in my
literary career which I do not think calculated to promote my being
held in esteem when the heat of passion has subsided."
Trubner shrugged his shoulders. He plainly does not believe that I
shall succeed in getting a hearing; he thinks the combination of the
religious and cultured world too strong for me to stand against.
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