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My turning to it
for a livelihood was a grim necessity, my first week on the road a
continual horror. I abhorred the play, the making of a nightly
spectacle of myself, the rudeness and freedom of the audiences, the
coarse, common-place people with whom I was constantly compelled to
consort. You know them, and can therefore realize to some extent what
daily association with them must necessarily mean to one of my early
training and familiarity with quieter social customs. But my position
in the troupe afforded me certain privileges of isolation, while my
necessities compelled me to persevere. As a result, the dormant
art-spirit within apparently came to life; ambition began to usurp the
place of indifference; I became more and more disgusted with
mediocrity, and began an earnest struggle toward higher achievements.
I had little to guide me other than my own natural instincts, yet I
persevered. I insisted on living my own life while off the stage, and,
to kill unhappy thought, I devoted all my spare moments to hard study.


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