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Adams, Samuel Hopkins, 1871-1958

"Average Jones"

If I had gone off on that tack
I shouldn't have the interesting privilege of introducing to you Mr.
Harvey M. Greene, who now sits in the outer room."
"H. M. G.," said Kirby quickly. "Is it possible that that
decent-looking old boy out there is the man who stole--"
"It is not," interrupted Average Jones with emphasis, "and I shall
ask you, whatever may occur, to guard your speech from offensive
expressions of that sort while he is here."
"All right, if you say so," acquiesced the other. "But do you mind
telling me how you figure out a man traveling under an alias and
helping himself to other people's property on any other basis than
that he's a thief?"
"A, B, C," replied Average Jones; "as thus: A--Thieves don't wander
about in dressing-gowns. B--Nor take necklaces and leave purses.
C--Nor strip gems violently apart and scatter them like largess from
fire-escapes. The rest of the alphabet I postpone. Now for Mr.
Greene."
The man from the outer room entered and nervously acknowledged his
introduction to the others.


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